Anyone but Parents
By Unna Wijitprapai
You would think that a child who has yet to explore the outside world would listen to the people closest to them, the people they grew up around, but that isn’t always the case. Upon interviewing parents, adults, and children themselves, I have come up with some possible explanations as to why this may be the case.
Naturally, parents may feel frustrated or even discouraged when their child does not listen to them and, to make matters worse, listen to others instead. They may wonder why that is; after all, they are their child’s parents. But the truth is, that very fact is the reason that is vitalising children to look away from their parents. As part of growing up, most children feel the need to assert their independence; in other words, they want to project evidence that they are no longer just a child in his/her parent’s care. By doing so, it allows them to develop their own identity, as well as aid them into entering adulthood where they can fully be themselves without the influence of their parents. Oftentimes, children believe that in order for them to successfully assert their independence, they must first detach from the persons that they have associated with the most, their parents. Parents have always been the ones telling them what to do and what not to do and really, children listen to their parents so much that they believe doing the opposite would be a way of formulating their own independence as well as identity.
Another explanation as to why children tend to listen to others rather than their parents is because they have a desire to seek confirmation. Because children acknowledge the fact that their parents intend the best for them, oftentimes they will perceive their parents’ advice or guidance as an exaggeration or an overstatement and as a result, they become more prone to expressions of resistance. There will come times in everyone’s life where they will feel as though aid from their parents is simply not enough and so they seek external judgments to validate their parents’ directions.
The judgementality that is common amongst society, too, is a factor that encourages children to resist directions from their parents and, instead, look to others for judgement. Even at a young age, kids recognise the presence of social standards and the so-called ‘social norms’, which in many ways have the tendency to alter their decision-making, thus furthering their reluctance to listen to their parents. Take, for instance, if a child is being told by his/her father to wear a necktie to school, all the while knowing that no one else will, that child would most likely become apprehensive and more hesitant to follow. However, if their friends decide to do so themselves, the child will undoubtedly be more inclined to join in. The reason for this is because children are so comfortable with their parents that they are assured their parents would not judge them, regardless of their decision. However, in opposition, kids will become more pretentious and further take anyone else’s judgement into deeper consideration because with these other people, they are more prone to being judged, hence why they end up valuing external voices more.
It is understandable that parents will feel irritated or even mad that their child won’t listen to them, but the truth is, this resistance occurs in everyone’s life, most substantially in the years in which one is entering adulthood, but who knows, maybe this will make them the best version of themselves.
Special thanks to:
John Collings
Donna Velliaris
Diya Prabhu
Karn Kraibhupes
